I think I have a problem. I know, I know, that is the most ridiculous statement ever as I have a variety of problems in my arsenal of life experiences, but this one is new. This is a problem I never expected to have. I had heard of it happening to others, but I didn't think it would ever happen to me. And no, it's not gingivitis or incontinence.
Here's the deal, it all happened innocently enough. I was flipping through the channels on television Monday night. There was nothing on. Seriously, just a bunch of crap I didn't care to watch, but then, I struck GOLD! A show called Dr. Pimple Popper caught my attention. Shark Bait was sitting next to me reading Lord only knows what on his tablet and so he was oblivious. I took advantage and watched the show.
I found myself fascinated. The first gal had this huge growth under her boobs, so it was like a third boob. No one else seemed to be able to help her, but Dr. Pimple Popper came to the rescue! The doctor pulled out some huge sack of fat lipoma. Changed her life, really. The next person had two huge bumps on his back and this other lady had cysts all over her head. That doctor fixed it all!
I felt weird watching it, so I confessed my weird fascination with the Boot Bitch Gang. I mean, we talk about everything, so it's a safe zone, you know? I was immediately relieved to find out that Top Knot Pony was also addicted to the show. She informed me that not only was there a television show, but a You Tube channel and an Instagram page. Within moments I was signed up for both. My evening just filled up.
I started out easy, you know, watching the blackhead extractions. Did you know that some of the blackheads come out and they are considered ombre? Like, they are black on top, but as you pull them out, they gradually change color to a yellow or white. Fun fact, right?! But then other blackheads look like your skin is literally excreting feces. Some of it is even greenish-brown. So amazing. Not near as much pus as I thought, just crazy shit coming out of people's skin. Dr. Pimple Popper said that sometimes it even smells bad. So gross! Oh, and then this one chick had a big 'ol whitehead inside her ear! The doctor put her extraction tool in there and holy crap, it looked like a happy ending at one of those special massage places with all the windows blackened out on Evergreen Way in Lynnwood. Shark Bait looked over and said, "What the heck are you watching?" I looked at him, possibly with crazy eyes, and said, "Dr. Pimple Popper...it's AMAZING! And, so therapeutic!" He looked at me like he had just caught me playing in poop or something. I said, "Seriously, this is so fascinating! I can't stop." He shrugged it off and went back to his tablet. I'm sure he was relieved I wasn't bored and asking him personal questions about how he feels and what he wants out of life.
I got braver with each video and I was drawn to every extraction. I'm sitting here like, "oh, you missed that one, why didn't the doctor take that one? How does she know which ones to take and go after and which ones to leave? How long does that take? Oh my God, that guys face is like the Milky Way of blackheads...we must save him!" I was getting anxious when she left some behind. I wanted them ALL GONE.
I reluctantly put my phone down and went to bed. I woke up and wanted to watch more videos, but no, I had to go to work. As luck would have it, I had a shitty day at work on Tuesday. I of course can't go into it because of all the delicate people in the world that might get their feelings hurt. And, because I need a job. Anyway, I came home Tuesday night, sat in my chair and went straight to You Tube. I needed to see some blackheads and some extractions, STAT. I watched video's for about 30 minutes before Shark Bait came home. He walked in the door and said, "You're still watching those videos?" I'm like, "yeah...it's calming me down."
I think it was at that moment I realized I may have a problem. Why am I fascinated by this? Is it the idea of inflicting pain on people? No, that can't be it, because, I think I'd rather give someone a kick in the junk or in the cooter if I really wanted to inflict pain. Or, I'd just make them be an admin. So, that can't be it. Could it be that watching people get disgusting stuff forced out of their body is like me watching an exorcism of internal impurities and it makes me think of my personal impurities that I need to detox from my own system? Well, shit. If that is the case, I'm going to need more than that zip-popping tool and a small scalpel. Which reminds me, in one video, I saw a zit vacuum. I'm not even lying, it is this little contraption that suctions to your face and you drag it around and it pulls all the pus, blackheads and zits out of your skin. The clear container attached to it just fills with all that body excretion, it is SO COOL. It's kind of like that one scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark and the bad guy gets his face melted off because he opened the ark thing. Except, it doesn't rip your skin or eyeballs off, just pus, oil and blackheads. I'm digressing, though. Anyway, I don't think that is it, either.
So, what else could it be? What does all this mean? Am I mentally ill? (Don't answer that) Do I secretly want to be a Dermatologist? Do I just want to fix the world one zit at a time? No blackhead left behind? Why the anxiety and concern when she didn't take all the blackheads out? I don't know these people, why do I care if they have ombre blackheads? Oh, that reminds me, again, there was this one girl that had some cyst thing in her armpit and the doctor pulled out a hair that was very likely 3 feet long. I'm not even joking. If you don't believe me, I'll find the video and post it to my FB. Oh, and ingrown hairs, epic shit there. That is so cool how the doctor digs around in there, gets the hair upright and then yoinks it right out of there. Such a relief, right? You don't even know what you are missing.
Last night, I had to stop watching and go to bed. I walked in the bathroom and washed my face as I do each night. I remove my make-up, check the super-magnified mirror to see if I have any zits coming in or any unwanted hairs. It's a routine. I don't get this baby face from not taking care of it, you know? Anyway, I was sad I didn't have anything to extract. I looked very closely. Nothing. Just then I remembered I have this one little spot on my back where there is an open pore and it sometimes gets a blackhead in there. I called Shark Bait in, "Shark Bait, can you come here? I need you to help me, I have a situation." He comes in wondering what I'm up to. I said, "I have a blackhead on my back, I need it out of there," and handed him the extraction tool. He's like, "Seriously, now you have to extract something just because you watched all those videos?" I said, "This is serious. I need that out of there." Dutifully, Shark Bait takes it out and shows me. I was so excited, it was ombre! I begged him to look for any more that may be back there. Nothing. Sigh. Damn it. It was such a rush for just a moment. I guess maybe I wanted to see some grotesque back skin and then have the satisfaction of making it beautiful...but with pock marks. This would not make a sane person sad. I'm seriously messed up.
All I can say is, Thank God it is Therapy Thursday this week. I don't know what the Rug Doctor is going to say about this, but I hope she has some insight. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have videos to watch.
Here is a really tame one if you want to watch...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVEVl-g8p8s
This one a little more graphic...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTmaf0jggF8
Go ahead...join me in my obsession...
Here's the deal, it all happened innocently enough. I was flipping through the channels on television Monday night. There was nothing on. Seriously, just a bunch of crap I didn't care to watch, but then, I struck GOLD! A show called Dr. Pimple Popper caught my attention. Shark Bait was sitting next to me reading Lord only knows what on his tablet and so he was oblivious. I took advantage and watched the show.
I found myself fascinated. The first gal had this huge growth under her boobs, so it was like a third boob. No one else seemed to be able to help her, but Dr. Pimple Popper came to the rescue! The doctor pulled out some huge sack of fat lipoma. Changed her life, really. The next person had two huge bumps on his back and this other lady had cysts all over her head. That doctor fixed it all!
I felt weird watching it, so I confessed my weird fascination with the Boot Bitch Gang. I mean, we talk about everything, so it's a safe zone, you know? I was immediately relieved to find out that Top Knot Pony was also addicted to the show. She informed me that not only was there a television show, but a You Tube channel and an Instagram page. Within moments I was signed up for both. My evening just filled up.
I started out easy, you know, watching the blackhead extractions. Did you know that some of the blackheads come out and they are considered ombre? Like, they are black on top, but as you pull them out, they gradually change color to a yellow or white. Fun fact, right?! But then other blackheads look like your skin is literally excreting feces. Some of it is even greenish-brown. So amazing. Not near as much pus as I thought, just crazy shit coming out of people's skin. Dr. Pimple Popper said that sometimes it even smells bad. So gross! Oh, and then this one chick had a big 'ol whitehead inside her ear! The doctor put her extraction tool in there and holy crap, it looked like a happy ending at one of those special massage places with all the windows blackened out on Evergreen Way in Lynnwood. Shark Bait looked over and said, "What the heck are you watching?" I looked at him, possibly with crazy eyes, and said, "Dr. Pimple Popper...it's AMAZING! And, so therapeutic!" He looked at me like he had just caught me playing in poop or something. I said, "Seriously, this is so fascinating! I can't stop." He shrugged it off and went back to his tablet. I'm sure he was relieved I wasn't bored and asking him personal questions about how he feels and what he wants out of life.
I got braver with each video and I was drawn to every extraction. I'm sitting here like, "oh, you missed that one, why didn't the doctor take that one? How does she know which ones to take and go after and which ones to leave? How long does that take? Oh my God, that guys face is like the Milky Way of blackheads...we must save him!" I was getting anxious when she left some behind. I wanted them ALL GONE.
I reluctantly put my phone down and went to bed. I woke up and wanted to watch more videos, but no, I had to go to work. As luck would have it, I had a shitty day at work on Tuesday. I of course can't go into it because of all the delicate people in the world that might get their feelings hurt. And, because I need a job. Anyway, I came home Tuesday night, sat in my chair and went straight to You Tube. I needed to see some blackheads and some extractions, STAT. I watched video's for about 30 minutes before Shark Bait came home. He walked in the door and said, "You're still watching those videos?" I'm like, "yeah...it's calming me down."
I think it was at that moment I realized I may have a problem. Why am I fascinated by this? Is it the idea of inflicting pain on people? No, that can't be it, because, I think I'd rather give someone a kick in the junk or in the cooter if I really wanted to inflict pain. Or, I'd just make them be an admin. So, that can't be it. Could it be that watching people get disgusting stuff forced out of their body is like me watching an exorcism of internal impurities and it makes me think of my personal impurities that I need to detox from my own system? Well, shit. If that is the case, I'm going to need more than that zip-popping tool and a small scalpel. Which reminds me, in one video, I saw a zit vacuum. I'm not even lying, it is this little contraption that suctions to your face and you drag it around and it pulls all the pus, blackheads and zits out of your skin. The clear container attached to it just fills with all that body excretion, it is SO COOL. It's kind of like that one scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark and the bad guy gets his face melted off because he opened the ark thing. Except, it doesn't rip your skin or eyeballs off, just pus, oil and blackheads. I'm digressing, though. Anyway, I don't think that is it, either.
So, what else could it be? What does all this mean? Am I mentally ill? (Don't answer that) Do I secretly want to be a Dermatologist? Do I just want to fix the world one zit at a time? No blackhead left behind? Why the anxiety and concern when she didn't take all the blackheads out? I don't know these people, why do I care if they have ombre blackheads? Oh, that reminds me, again, there was this one girl that had some cyst thing in her armpit and the doctor pulled out a hair that was very likely 3 feet long. I'm not even joking. If you don't believe me, I'll find the video and post it to my FB. Oh, and ingrown hairs, epic shit there. That is so cool how the doctor digs around in there, gets the hair upright and then yoinks it right out of there. Such a relief, right? You don't even know what you are missing.
Last night, I had to stop watching and go to bed. I walked in the bathroom and washed my face as I do each night. I remove my make-up, check the super-magnified mirror to see if I have any zits coming in or any unwanted hairs. It's a routine. I don't get this baby face from not taking care of it, you know? Anyway, I was sad I didn't have anything to extract. I looked very closely. Nothing. Just then I remembered I have this one little spot on my back where there is an open pore and it sometimes gets a blackhead in there. I called Shark Bait in, "Shark Bait, can you come here? I need you to help me, I have a situation." He comes in wondering what I'm up to. I said, "I have a blackhead on my back, I need it out of there," and handed him the extraction tool. He's like, "Seriously, now you have to extract something just because you watched all those videos?" I said, "This is serious. I need that out of there." Dutifully, Shark Bait takes it out and shows me. I was so excited, it was ombre! I begged him to look for any more that may be back there. Nothing. Sigh. Damn it. It was such a rush for just a moment. I guess maybe I wanted to see some grotesque back skin and then have the satisfaction of making it beautiful...but with pock marks. This would not make a sane person sad. I'm seriously messed up.
All I can say is, Thank God it is Therapy Thursday this week. I don't know what the Rug Doctor is going to say about this, but I hope she has some insight. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have videos to watch.
Here is a really tame one if you want to watch...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVEVl-g8p8s
This one a little more graphic...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTmaf0jggF8
Go ahead...join me in my obsession...
No comments:
Post a Comment