Today was a weird day. Not really that pleasant, but not treacherous either. By the time I was off from work, I pretty much had reached my limit of sane behavior and had started into the territory of insane behavior.
My computer went down a couple of days ago and IT finally came and brought me a new one late this afternoon, but in doing so, they upgraded all my programs. Like, they moved my mother trucking cheese. BIG TIME. I was in the middle of a meltdown when Valerina came down. She saw the crazy in my eyes, but was unafraid as she had seen the crazy before. She immediately intervened and started using the Mom voice on me. The voice of reason. The voice of reason doesn't always work and she knows this, which is why she simply sat down at my computer and started to handle things while I had my temper tantrum about my cheese being moved and this happening to me without so much as a warning or an application of lubricant. I don't like change. In addition to that, just before I left, Sister Scorpion decided to tell me that she wanted snacks and water for some meetings tomorrow. I didn't even let her finish her request before I said, NO! I hate getting water and snacks, but then, there isn't a lot I like to do right now anyway, so really, kind of a silly place to draw my line in the sand. At any rate, Valerina "handled" me and we walked out together. We had our normal recap of why my life sucks and the stupid things people do and say and then headed for home separately.
And so it was, I was alone in my truck with nothing but my thoughts.
As I sat there in traffic, I considered if I should get the snacks and water tonight or do it in the morning? Do I stop and pick up my prescription at the pharmacy tonight or in the morning? Do I stop and get my new replacement cell phone tonight or tomorrow night? What am I wearing tomorrow? I better just go home because the dogs likely have a peeker brewing and I need to get home and let them outside. What are we having for dinner tonight? What kind of snacks should I get? Should I get up early and get the snacks on the way to work? Should I get candy or cookies? What about all the people trying to eat healthy? Fuck them. They can have water. Should I stop at Target tonight? Nah. I could stop at Safeway, get the water and snacks, then swing into the pharmacy then go home. What would I get at Safeway? No, I'm not going to Safeway because the lines will be too long from all the people just getting off work and buying dinner. I hate those people. Creating all that chaos. I wonder if Shark Bait is getting home at a reasonable hour? If so, he can handle the dogs. I should stop at the Sprint store and get my phone, then go into Haggens and get the water and snacks, then I can swing by the pharmacy on the way in tomorrow morning to avoid the evening rush from all the people getting meds after work. It really pisses me off when the old people wait until the evening because they could get their meds anytime they want, but no, they wait until they are affecting MY LIFE. And their insurance or medicare or whatever is always fucked up and they always have questions.
Maybe I'll stop at Cash & Carry on the way in to work tomorrow. If I leave early, I can still get a good parking spot. Should I unload up front and then go park after I unload, or just bring the cart out to the truck? I hate doing that, that cart is so noisy when it rolls on the pavement empty. Should I just go in and check my email first and then go out and get the stuff later? Would someone steal water out of the back of the truck? Maybe I should come in, put my stuff down, then go get the stuff and then check my email? But what am I going to wear, because if I wear a dress, it makes it complicated to lug all this stuff around. Maybe I should wear jeans. No, that won't work. I should probably just stop by Walmart in the morning and get it. But which one? The Smokey Point one or the Marysville one? No, I'll just leave early, drive in to the Everett Safeway, get it there, then go to work, park my truck and go get the cart.
So, I could go to Sprint and get my new phone tonight. No, it will take them too long and I have dogs with defficating needs. I need to go home. Maybe I'll just stop and get my meds tonight. I think I can make it till tomorrow night. I would have to get across all those lanes to make it into the pharmacy. What if I can't get all the way over through all that traffic? If I went to Safeway at Smokey Point first, then I could loop back and would be on the same side of the road as the pharmacy. No, all those dinner people will be at Safeway. I'm just going to go home. But that leaves all my tasks for tomorrow. I don't care. Fuck all the tasks. I'll just go to Cash & Carry in the morning. Or Safeway. Cash & Carry is in a shady neighborhood. I'll probably go there. What should I wear tomorrow?
The song "Turn Down For What" comes on the radio. I crank it. It occurs to me that I have no idea what I'm turning down for. I mean...what? I don't know. Why don't I have anything to turn down for? I should turn down for something. What does that even mean? Turning down...? That reminds me, what was all that talk today about "rubbing it out," wondering what kind of "pie" someone likes and having "two in the pink, one in the stink" all about? I'm not saying that conversation was had at work, if I was at work, at that place I go, or if it wasn't at work, but at some point in the last 24 hours, the aforementioned items were discussed. I'm so lost. I mean, I don't even know what to turn down for. Turn down for what?
I think I'm severely depressed. I think I'm like my Dad got to be. Nothing in life made him happy and he was just sad. He was a brilliant man, charming, creative, talented, but he was so unhappy. I loved him dearly, but he was so chronically depressed. Have I turned into him? Is that my destiny? Is that who I have become? This woman that is constantly so stressed about everything that she doesn't even know what to wear tomorrow or what to turn down for? What? Is that my road coming up? I think it is. It's so hard to see at night. I hate where I live. I hope nothing new has died. And why did someone put a chair marked as Bio-hazard in Mrs. SRD's cube. For the love of God, her husband just took a dead possum out from under my house and of all places someone decided to put a piss chair over by her desk. Is that okay? No. I'm outraged.
Well, I'm home. I'm going to leave my headlights on for a little while since they shine right into the neighbors house across the street. Take that Mother Truckers. Turn down your shades, that's what you can turn down for.
So, that's it, that's what happens in my head, all the time. It never stops, even after I get home. Tonight is a shining example. I came home to Lilly instantly pissing me off. She is the broken legged dog with a cast wearing a cone of shame and she still managed to get to her bandage. I'm going to have them amputate her leg. I can't do this anymore. On the upside, Shark Bait left a pound of hamburger on the counter to defrost. I guess I'll go in and make fucking miracles happen with that.
Till next time, I hope you all turn down for something, whatever that means.
My computer went down a couple of days ago and IT finally came and brought me a new one late this afternoon, but in doing so, they upgraded all my programs. Like, they moved my mother trucking cheese. BIG TIME. I was in the middle of a meltdown when Valerina came down. She saw the crazy in my eyes, but was unafraid as she had seen the crazy before. She immediately intervened and started using the Mom voice on me. The voice of reason. The voice of reason doesn't always work and she knows this, which is why she simply sat down at my computer and started to handle things while I had my temper tantrum about my cheese being moved and this happening to me without so much as a warning or an application of lubricant. I don't like change. In addition to that, just before I left, Sister Scorpion decided to tell me that she wanted snacks and water for some meetings tomorrow. I didn't even let her finish her request before I said, NO! I hate getting water and snacks, but then, there isn't a lot I like to do right now anyway, so really, kind of a silly place to draw my line in the sand. At any rate, Valerina "handled" me and we walked out together. We had our normal recap of why my life sucks and the stupid things people do and say and then headed for home separately.
And so it was, I was alone in my truck with nothing but my thoughts.
As I sat there in traffic, I considered if I should get the snacks and water tonight or do it in the morning? Do I stop and pick up my prescription at the pharmacy tonight or in the morning? Do I stop and get my new replacement cell phone tonight or tomorrow night? What am I wearing tomorrow? I better just go home because the dogs likely have a peeker brewing and I need to get home and let them outside. What are we having for dinner tonight? What kind of snacks should I get? Should I get up early and get the snacks on the way to work? Should I get candy or cookies? What about all the people trying to eat healthy? Fuck them. They can have water. Should I stop at Target tonight? Nah. I could stop at Safeway, get the water and snacks, then swing into the pharmacy then go home. What would I get at Safeway? No, I'm not going to Safeway because the lines will be too long from all the people just getting off work and buying dinner. I hate those people. Creating all that chaos. I wonder if Shark Bait is getting home at a reasonable hour? If so, he can handle the dogs. I should stop at the Sprint store and get my phone, then go into Haggens and get the water and snacks, then I can swing by the pharmacy on the way in tomorrow morning to avoid the evening rush from all the people getting meds after work. It really pisses me off when the old people wait until the evening because they could get their meds anytime they want, but no, they wait until they are affecting MY LIFE. And their insurance or medicare or whatever is always fucked up and they always have questions.
Maybe I'll stop at Cash & Carry on the way in to work tomorrow. If I leave early, I can still get a good parking spot. Should I unload up front and then go park after I unload, or just bring the cart out to the truck? I hate doing that, that cart is so noisy when it rolls on the pavement empty. Should I just go in and check my email first and then go out and get the stuff later? Would someone steal water out of the back of the truck? Maybe I should come in, put my stuff down, then go get the stuff and then check my email? But what am I going to wear, because if I wear a dress, it makes it complicated to lug all this stuff around. Maybe I should wear jeans. No, that won't work. I should probably just stop by Walmart in the morning and get it. But which one? The Smokey Point one or the Marysville one? No, I'll just leave early, drive in to the Everett Safeway, get it there, then go to work, park my truck and go get the cart.
So, I could go to Sprint and get my new phone tonight. No, it will take them too long and I have dogs with defficating needs. I need to go home. Maybe I'll just stop and get my meds tonight. I think I can make it till tomorrow night. I would have to get across all those lanes to make it into the pharmacy. What if I can't get all the way over through all that traffic? If I went to Safeway at Smokey Point first, then I could loop back and would be on the same side of the road as the pharmacy. No, all those dinner people will be at Safeway. I'm just going to go home. But that leaves all my tasks for tomorrow. I don't care. Fuck all the tasks. I'll just go to Cash & Carry in the morning. Or Safeway. Cash & Carry is in a shady neighborhood. I'll probably go there. What should I wear tomorrow?
The song "Turn Down For What" comes on the radio. I crank it. It occurs to me that I have no idea what I'm turning down for. I mean...what? I don't know. Why don't I have anything to turn down for? I should turn down for something. What does that even mean? Turning down...? That reminds me, what was all that talk today about "rubbing it out," wondering what kind of "pie" someone likes and having "two in the pink, one in the stink" all about? I'm not saying that conversation was had at work, if I was at work, at that place I go, or if it wasn't at work, but at some point in the last 24 hours, the aforementioned items were discussed. I'm so lost. I mean, I don't even know what to turn down for. Turn down for what?
I think I'm severely depressed. I think I'm like my Dad got to be. Nothing in life made him happy and he was just sad. He was a brilliant man, charming, creative, talented, but he was so unhappy. I loved him dearly, but he was so chronically depressed. Have I turned into him? Is that my destiny? Is that who I have become? This woman that is constantly so stressed about everything that she doesn't even know what to wear tomorrow or what to turn down for? What? Is that my road coming up? I think it is. It's so hard to see at night. I hate where I live. I hope nothing new has died. And why did someone put a chair marked as Bio-hazard in Mrs. SRD's cube. For the love of God, her husband just took a dead possum out from under my house and of all places someone decided to put a piss chair over by her desk. Is that okay? No. I'm outraged.
Well, I'm home. I'm going to leave my headlights on for a little while since they shine right into the neighbors house across the street. Take that Mother Truckers. Turn down your shades, that's what you can turn down for.
So, that's it, that's what happens in my head, all the time. It never stops, even after I get home. Tonight is a shining example. I came home to Lilly instantly pissing me off. She is the broken legged dog with a cast wearing a cone of shame and she still managed to get to her bandage. I'm going to have them amputate her leg. I can't do this anymore. On the upside, Shark Bait left a pound of hamburger on the counter to defrost. I guess I'll go in and make fucking miracles happen with that.
Till next time, I hope you all turn down for something, whatever that means.
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