Things at the Glass Palace have been a little crazy the last few weeks. We have acquired some new customers in an Eastern state where people are seriously rude. Our call volume has been crazy, the customers are crazy, the systems are not working like they should and it has been general exhaustion all around.
Today, I believe the overall diameter of the vortex of suckiness opened up and we are being pulled in slowly. It's like we found a worm hole...no, a slug hole. This sucker is fat, lazy and leaves a slimy trail that you can't get off of your hands. This vortex is not leading us to a dimension that anyone wants to board the mother ship for. I'm telling you, this is serious. Serious as a heart attack. But, how do we know this alleged vortex, this "slug hole" exists? I'll tell you how I know, and do not call me crazy, because I AM NOT crazy. Not this time. I have witnesses.
I was at my desk, minding my own business, working, when I caught a movement on my right hand side. It startled me for a moment because the movement made me think something was behind me. I looked to my right and there, on my desk, was my little mirror and it was catching the image of the balloon arch that they did for my birthday last week. One of the balloons is starting to die, so it was moving back and forth over my left shoulder and my mirror in front of me alerted me to that. Scared the crap out of me at first, until I realized what it was. I stabbed the balloon to death and removed it from the arch. I then grabbed the mirror to move it at a different angle so I wouldn't be distracted. This is where the real trouble started. I noticed my head looked enormous in the mirror. What the hell? This mirror doesn't usually look like that, I usually look like I am further away from it. So weird. I put it down, moved it, looked at my reflection again. Maybe all that Halloween candy was catching up with me? Damn, I'm huge. I tried to put it out of my head.
Pretty soon, Stilletto Barbie came down to see me. I shared with her about the mirror. I knew she would understand. Instead, she looked at me like a dog looks at something it doesn't understand. She is my homie, she has to have my back. Just then, one of the supervisors walked by and said she had noticed the same thing about her mirror. HA! Someone else has noticed! Stilletto still looking skeptical, went to her desk and then reported back that her mirror was the same way, ENORMOUS! Here's the thing, people, we know what we looked like in that mirror yesterday. It isn't the same as what it looks like today. I talked to others like Camilicious and Sassy Pants. They, too, noticed the change. It was spooky. What was going on? Suddenly I realized this could be a bad episode of the Twilight Zone. I was in one of those horror movies. I was just waiting for the phone to ring and hear a creepy little girl say in a whisper, "seven days...." like in The Ring. What if I went in to the bathroom and there was a crazy clown in one of the stalls? More importantly, what if none of us were going to make it out of the Glass Palace today? What if the ground opened up and sucked us all through the slug hole? Or, were we already in the slug hole? Living a double life? Like, the real Angry Pony was alive and well with a normal mirror in another dimension, but here I am with the warped mirror and everyone could see it happening. I felt serious anxiety. What in the fuck is going on? Why are the mirrors like this? It wasn't right. I am not crazy.
As I sat there wondering what the hell is going on, Stilletto Barbie said the only thing we could do was prepare for the worst. She suggested that maybe, if there were evil surrounding us, I should go in the bathroom and say "Candy Man" three times. I haven't seen the movie that involves this scenario, but apparently, it doesn't end well. I suddenly knew what Bruce Willis felt like in Armageddon when he had to take one for the team. I grabbed my phone and went to the first floor bathroom. It is the most likely place an angry spirit would be. I mean, the Glass Palace is right next the cemetery, we could have evil in our building. Feeling brave, I turned my phone on to video my experiment. I mean, if I'm going down in a gory, bloody mess, maybe someone would find my phone to see what really happened. People need answers. I mustered my courage and said "Candy Man" three times. Nothing happened. I pushed open the door to stall number one. If any stall would have evil in it, it's stall number one. Nothing....for now. Maybe this would be like the movie Final Destination and evil would find me later. I returned to the alleged safety of my desk where the fun house mirror was laying in wait.
Video of my trip to possibly meet my demise: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10202847504411207&l=13813230872012245
I couldn't accept this reality that everyone's mirrors were different and no one had an explanation. I'm not crazy. I'm not. However, I was being met with resistance. Dish Guy was telling me I was just making this up trying to scare the masses. We went round and round about what was occurring. Just then, Ambular walked up and picked up my mirror, she said, AND I QUOTE, "Wow, you are right, this is a lot bigger, that is weird." SEE!!! Yet one more person to stand by me in my moment of vulnerability. Remember that movie Day After Tomorrow? No one wanted to believe that guy that the climate was changing and that we were headed for an ice age and then LOOK WHAT HAPPENED?! Someone has to be that person, that person that saves the USS Enterprise from being sucked into the black hole, or in our case, the slug hole. Luke Skywalker defeated the Death Star, no one is laughing at him, are they? I really am upset about this. Stilletto Barbie suggested we need to be ready to evacuate. I went over to our person in charge of emergency preparedness to find out what we would do in the case of an actual emergency. I explained what was going on. Turns out, he does not have a plan for our ultimate demise, being pulled into a slug hole or if the ground opens up to swallow us. I shamed him for his lack of foresight and returned to my desk.
This can't be happening. There is no logical reason for it, other than, it sucks so bad at the Glass Palace that our souls are being transformed into blobs. Everyone is stress eating, after all. At this point, I had so many people confused, we did what any evolved, intelligent person would do. We Googled it. It seems there is no phrase you can put in the Google search that will really lead you to an answer. And, frankly, I don't have time to learn physics. As far as I know, tomorrow could be too late. People suggested the pull of the moon, gravitational pull, planets in retrograde, rotation of the planets and the popular, "we're fucked." All possibilities. Someone suggested I needed to find someone that is a Wiccan. At this point, I'll take whatever help I can get. Something is going on and I need to understand it. I'm a level-headed girl when it comes to this kind of stuff, but I know what I saw, I know what my friends saw and I have no explanation. I'm being punked, I have to be. Like I don't have enough problems and now I have to wonder if I am in a cross-dimensional time warp. This is a lot of pressure.
I sat there at my desk, confused and a little traumatized. I caught a glimpse of my mirror again, this time, this is the image I saw.
Seriously people, how much more can my heart take today? That White Queen behind me, why was she looking at me like that? Is she menacing or supportive? She's creepy, okay, CREEPY. I'm freaking doomed, we are ALL freaking doomed. If anyone can explain to me why all the old Verizon mirrors are suddenly looking like fun house mirrors, PLEASE let me know. I may not always like my life, but I don't want to live in another dimension, or be pulled through a slug hole. And, if I am gonna get pulled through, I want to be skinny and have a fucking unicorn!!!!
I'm exhausted. I leave you with a simple "good-night." Still no answers. I hope I wake in the morning...in my house. I'm not going to work. It's too risky.
Today, I believe the overall diameter of the vortex of suckiness opened up and we are being pulled in slowly. It's like we found a worm hole...no, a slug hole. This sucker is fat, lazy and leaves a slimy trail that you can't get off of your hands. This vortex is not leading us to a dimension that anyone wants to board the mother ship for. I'm telling you, this is serious. Serious as a heart attack. But, how do we know this alleged vortex, this "slug hole" exists? I'll tell you how I know, and do not call me crazy, because I AM NOT crazy. Not this time. I have witnesses.
I was at my desk, minding my own business, working, when I caught a movement on my right hand side. It startled me for a moment because the movement made me think something was behind me. I looked to my right and there, on my desk, was my little mirror and it was catching the image of the balloon arch that they did for my birthday last week. One of the balloons is starting to die, so it was moving back and forth over my left shoulder and my mirror in front of me alerted me to that. Scared the crap out of me at first, until I realized what it was. I stabbed the balloon to death and removed it from the arch. I then grabbed the mirror to move it at a different angle so I wouldn't be distracted. This is where the real trouble started. I noticed my head looked enormous in the mirror. What the hell? This mirror doesn't usually look like that, I usually look like I am further away from it. So weird. I put it down, moved it, looked at my reflection again. Maybe all that Halloween candy was catching up with me? Damn, I'm huge. I tried to put it out of my head.
Pretty soon, Stilletto Barbie came down to see me. I shared with her about the mirror. I knew she would understand. Instead, she looked at me like a dog looks at something it doesn't understand. She is my homie, she has to have my back. Just then, one of the supervisors walked by and said she had noticed the same thing about her mirror. HA! Someone else has noticed! Stilletto still looking skeptical, went to her desk and then reported back that her mirror was the same way, ENORMOUS! Here's the thing, people, we know what we looked like in that mirror yesterday. It isn't the same as what it looks like today. I talked to others like Camilicious and Sassy Pants. They, too, noticed the change. It was spooky. What was going on? Suddenly I realized this could be a bad episode of the Twilight Zone. I was in one of those horror movies. I was just waiting for the phone to ring and hear a creepy little girl say in a whisper, "seven days...." like in The Ring. What if I went in to the bathroom and there was a crazy clown in one of the stalls? More importantly, what if none of us were going to make it out of the Glass Palace today? What if the ground opened up and sucked us all through the slug hole? Or, were we already in the slug hole? Living a double life? Like, the real Angry Pony was alive and well with a normal mirror in another dimension, but here I am with the warped mirror and everyone could see it happening. I felt serious anxiety. What in the fuck is going on? Why are the mirrors like this? It wasn't right. I am not crazy.
As I sat there wondering what the hell is going on, Stilletto Barbie said the only thing we could do was prepare for the worst. She suggested that maybe, if there were evil surrounding us, I should go in the bathroom and say "Candy Man" three times. I haven't seen the movie that involves this scenario, but apparently, it doesn't end well. I suddenly knew what Bruce Willis felt like in Armageddon when he had to take one for the team. I grabbed my phone and went to the first floor bathroom. It is the most likely place an angry spirit would be. I mean, the Glass Palace is right next the cemetery, we could have evil in our building. Feeling brave, I turned my phone on to video my experiment. I mean, if I'm going down in a gory, bloody mess, maybe someone would find my phone to see what really happened. People need answers. I mustered my courage and said "Candy Man" three times. Nothing happened. I pushed open the door to stall number one. If any stall would have evil in it, it's stall number one. Nothing....for now. Maybe this would be like the movie Final Destination and evil would find me later. I returned to the alleged safety of my desk where the fun house mirror was laying in wait.
Video of my trip to possibly meet my demise: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10202847504411207&l=13813230872012245
I couldn't accept this reality that everyone's mirrors were different and no one had an explanation. I'm not crazy. I'm not. However, I was being met with resistance. Dish Guy was telling me I was just making this up trying to scare the masses. We went round and round about what was occurring. Just then, Ambular walked up and picked up my mirror, she said, AND I QUOTE, "Wow, you are right, this is a lot bigger, that is weird." SEE!!! Yet one more person to stand by me in my moment of vulnerability. Remember that movie Day After Tomorrow? No one wanted to believe that guy that the climate was changing and that we were headed for an ice age and then LOOK WHAT HAPPENED?! Someone has to be that person, that person that saves the USS Enterprise from being sucked into the black hole, or in our case, the slug hole. Luke Skywalker defeated the Death Star, no one is laughing at him, are they? I really am upset about this. Stilletto Barbie suggested we need to be ready to evacuate. I went over to our person in charge of emergency preparedness to find out what we would do in the case of an actual emergency. I explained what was going on. Turns out, he does not have a plan for our ultimate demise, being pulled into a slug hole or if the ground opens up to swallow us. I shamed him for his lack of foresight and returned to my desk.
This can't be happening. There is no logical reason for it, other than, it sucks so bad at the Glass Palace that our souls are being transformed into blobs. Everyone is stress eating, after all. At this point, I had so many people confused, we did what any evolved, intelligent person would do. We Googled it. It seems there is no phrase you can put in the Google search that will really lead you to an answer. And, frankly, I don't have time to learn physics. As far as I know, tomorrow could be too late. People suggested the pull of the moon, gravitational pull, planets in retrograde, rotation of the planets and the popular, "we're fucked." All possibilities. Someone suggested I needed to find someone that is a Wiccan. At this point, I'll take whatever help I can get. Something is going on and I need to understand it. I'm a level-headed girl when it comes to this kind of stuff, but I know what I saw, I know what my friends saw and I have no explanation. I'm being punked, I have to be. Like I don't have enough problems and now I have to wonder if I am in a cross-dimensional time warp. This is a lot of pressure.
I sat there at my desk, confused and a little traumatized. I caught a glimpse of my mirror again, this time, this is the image I saw.
I'm exhausted. I leave you with a simple "good-night." Still no answers. I hope I wake in the morning...in my house. I'm not going to work. It's too risky.
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