I can't blame the chain of events that happened today on my positive FB post from the other night, but I can't help but make a connection.
I got up this morning with the best of intentions. It's Friday, it's payday, I had zero supervision in the office and I was going to get stuff done and kick off a hopefully fun weekend. At 10:45am this morning, that all changed. We were notified of a school shooting in the nearby city that many of our employees live in. All the details are not yet known, but from what I have heard thus far, a kid brought a gun to school and shot specific individuals that he was angry with and then ended up dead himself. I felt sick inside. I remember going to school and worrying about not having the trendiest clothes or being over-weight or having someone pick on me for being fat, but I never worried about being shot. In today's world, it's becoming more commonplace. My God, no wonder kids are a mess these days and on anti-depressants or fight depression on their own, untreated, and have anxiety or feel insecure. I mean, not all kids are like that, but I think the number of kids that find it hard to deal with life is on the rise. If getting up and going to school could be the last thing you do on any given day, why care about anything? Why care about your future? Why care if you even go? Or, care so much that you are paralyzed with anxiety. I am so deeply saddened by these realities and these acts of violence. In my opinion, I think kids are desensitized to violence and it seems more plausible to handle your confrontations or disappointments with an act of violence. TV, movies, video games, domestic violence, drugs, bullying, social media stalking, etc. it's just so much of their daily lives and it is glamorized. Maybe it seems legit to just handle things like The Terminator? I don't know, just my theory.
And these events have a ripple effect. I know someone that was at the hospital, needing medical attention due to a potentially life-impacting issue. This person was unable to be admitted to the hospital due to all doctors that were qualified to help him were busy with shooting victims. So, now, what about all the other people that need care? That's fucked up.
Let's talk about all the kids too scared to go to school now. Let's talk about the crazy weather and funnel clouds destroying structures. The catastrophic mudslide that happened earlier this spring, the wildfires that raged all summer, then the mudslides that followed that. Let's talk about the email I got at work today about Ebola. Let's talk about ISIS and terrorism. Let's talk about all the accidents on the freeway lately. Let's talk about who was just diagnosed with cancer or a life threatening disease. Let's talk about a government that is so corrupt, we have little hope of ever living in a healthy functioning socioeconomic society. Let's talk about all the other violence that happens daily. How in the hell am I supposed to think positive and not feel like this world is bad? How do I hold my head up and have hopes, dreams, goals? How do I do that when I am full of anxiety about what disaster will strike us next. When I kiss Shark Bait right before I go to sleep at night, will we both wake up in the morning? When I leave work to come home, is that the last time I will see my friends and co-workers or my husband? So, when I consider whether I want that piece of chocolate, is my overall health important? I mean, if I can't really count on tomorrow, why not have ice cream? You may say, "Angry Pony, none of us can count on tomorrow, it is not promised." I know, I get that, but I'm not talking about breaking a promise, I'm talking about having a realistic expectation that it is possible you can live without anxiety and then if your number is up, you lived a good life and you enjoyed it. Some people do, I believe. How do I do that when I am so full of angst and anxiety about my "living conditions" and my potential future.
The flip side that I struggle to achieve is the one that says: Let's talk about the time I spent with my loved ones today. Let's talk about the laughter that was shared. Let's talk about the puppy dog and pony kisses I had. Let's talk about how accomplished I feel after a good day at work. Let' talk about how I worked out today and it felt amazing to know I'm doing what's right for my body. Let's talk about those moments I sat there and watched the colors in the sky as the sun set. Let's talk about laying in bed on a Saturday morning listening to the rain on the roof and smiling because my love is next to me, my dog is at my side and I am snuggled safely under my comforter. Let's talk about a trip I am excited about taking. Let's talk about all that. Let's talk about being able to enjoy all that.
Let's also talk about the kindness I observed today at the grocery store when someone dropped their purse and a stranger helped pick it up. Let's talk about the love I saw in a mother's eyes as she kissed her baby. Let's talk about the people helping the homeless. Let's talk about the people who work in animal shelters and help the animals get homes. Let's talk about the people that looked at a picture of a loved one and ran their finger over the front and had a memory about them and felt their arms around them, if even for just a moment. And maybe a tear slipped down their cheek, but a smile followed. Let's talk about watching the ponies play in the pasture, kids playing in the park and screaming with excitement and pure joy. Let's talk about paying off your car loan and how amazing that feels. Let's talk about having faith that this life means something, no matter what. And if disaster strikes, it will bring us together, not tear us apart.
How do I get there? We have to get there, right? For sanity sake, we have to, right? I think it is normal to feel like the rug is pulled out when something like this happens, but sometimes it feels like one more nail in the coffin. It's glass half-full vs. glass half-empty. I just declared some very positive stuff the other night and then within two days, it feels as if those positive thoughts are erased by angst and crisis. Thusly proving positive energy is wasted. This is why I don't get my hopes up. Or, do I look at this and say, "I am okay. My family is okay. No one I know personally was seriously impacted. I'm fortunate. I'm okay. I'm going to support those that need support and I am glad I can be there for them in their time of need."
I don't know how to get there, but I do know there are two paths to choose from. One is a moon-lit path lined with fun-sized Hershey's Halloween candy, kettle-cooked potato chips and lots of potholes. The other path is lit by the morning sun and has ponies running playfully in pastures and a Jamba Juice on the corner. The road is never-ending and you can only just see over the next ridge, beyond that, other adventures await.
So, bring a flashlight, or bring my sunglasses? It's a struggle every day making that choice...but I do look good in my Ray Ban's, I just have to remember where I left them last.
I got up this morning with the best of intentions. It's Friday, it's payday, I had zero supervision in the office and I was going to get stuff done and kick off a hopefully fun weekend. At 10:45am this morning, that all changed. We were notified of a school shooting in the nearby city that many of our employees live in. All the details are not yet known, but from what I have heard thus far, a kid brought a gun to school and shot specific individuals that he was angry with and then ended up dead himself. I felt sick inside. I remember going to school and worrying about not having the trendiest clothes or being over-weight or having someone pick on me for being fat, but I never worried about being shot. In today's world, it's becoming more commonplace. My God, no wonder kids are a mess these days and on anti-depressants or fight depression on their own, untreated, and have anxiety or feel insecure. I mean, not all kids are like that, but I think the number of kids that find it hard to deal with life is on the rise. If getting up and going to school could be the last thing you do on any given day, why care about anything? Why care about your future? Why care if you even go? Or, care so much that you are paralyzed with anxiety. I am so deeply saddened by these realities and these acts of violence. In my opinion, I think kids are desensitized to violence and it seems more plausible to handle your confrontations or disappointments with an act of violence. TV, movies, video games, domestic violence, drugs, bullying, social media stalking, etc. it's just so much of their daily lives and it is glamorized. Maybe it seems legit to just handle things like The Terminator? I don't know, just my theory.
And these events have a ripple effect. I know someone that was at the hospital, needing medical attention due to a potentially life-impacting issue. This person was unable to be admitted to the hospital due to all doctors that were qualified to help him were busy with shooting victims. So, now, what about all the other people that need care? That's fucked up.
Let's talk about all the kids too scared to go to school now. Let's talk about the crazy weather and funnel clouds destroying structures. The catastrophic mudslide that happened earlier this spring, the wildfires that raged all summer, then the mudslides that followed that. Let's talk about the email I got at work today about Ebola. Let's talk about ISIS and terrorism. Let's talk about all the accidents on the freeway lately. Let's talk about who was just diagnosed with cancer or a life threatening disease. Let's talk about a government that is so corrupt, we have little hope of ever living in a healthy functioning socioeconomic society. Let's talk about all the other violence that happens daily. How in the hell am I supposed to think positive and not feel like this world is bad? How do I hold my head up and have hopes, dreams, goals? How do I do that when I am full of anxiety about what disaster will strike us next. When I kiss Shark Bait right before I go to sleep at night, will we both wake up in the morning? When I leave work to come home, is that the last time I will see my friends and co-workers or my husband? So, when I consider whether I want that piece of chocolate, is my overall health important? I mean, if I can't really count on tomorrow, why not have ice cream? You may say, "Angry Pony, none of us can count on tomorrow, it is not promised." I know, I get that, but I'm not talking about breaking a promise, I'm talking about having a realistic expectation that it is possible you can live without anxiety and then if your number is up, you lived a good life and you enjoyed it. Some people do, I believe. How do I do that when I am so full of angst and anxiety about my "living conditions" and my potential future.
The flip side that I struggle to achieve is the one that says: Let's talk about the time I spent with my loved ones today. Let's talk about the laughter that was shared. Let's talk about the puppy dog and pony kisses I had. Let's talk about how accomplished I feel after a good day at work. Let' talk about how I worked out today and it felt amazing to know I'm doing what's right for my body. Let's talk about those moments I sat there and watched the colors in the sky as the sun set. Let's talk about laying in bed on a Saturday morning listening to the rain on the roof and smiling because my love is next to me, my dog is at my side and I am snuggled safely under my comforter. Let's talk about a trip I am excited about taking. Let's talk about all that. Let's talk about being able to enjoy all that.
Let's also talk about the kindness I observed today at the grocery store when someone dropped their purse and a stranger helped pick it up. Let's talk about the love I saw in a mother's eyes as she kissed her baby. Let's talk about the people helping the homeless. Let's talk about the people who work in animal shelters and help the animals get homes. Let's talk about the people that looked at a picture of a loved one and ran their finger over the front and had a memory about them and felt their arms around them, if even for just a moment. And maybe a tear slipped down their cheek, but a smile followed. Let's talk about watching the ponies play in the pasture, kids playing in the park and screaming with excitement and pure joy. Let's talk about paying off your car loan and how amazing that feels. Let's talk about having faith that this life means something, no matter what. And if disaster strikes, it will bring us together, not tear us apart.
How do I get there? We have to get there, right? For sanity sake, we have to, right? I think it is normal to feel like the rug is pulled out when something like this happens, but sometimes it feels like one more nail in the coffin. It's glass half-full vs. glass half-empty. I just declared some very positive stuff the other night and then within two days, it feels as if those positive thoughts are erased by angst and crisis. Thusly proving positive energy is wasted. This is why I don't get my hopes up. Or, do I look at this and say, "I am okay. My family is okay. No one I know personally was seriously impacted. I'm fortunate. I'm okay. I'm going to support those that need support and I am glad I can be there for them in their time of need."
I don't know how to get there, but I do know there are two paths to choose from. One is a moon-lit path lined with fun-sized Hershey's Halloween candy, kettle-cooked potato chips and lots of potholes. The other path is lit by the morning sun and has ponies running playfully in pastures and a Jamba Juice on the corner. The road is never-ending and you can only just see over the next ridge, beyond that, other adventures await.
So, bring a flashlight, or bring my sunglasses? It's a struggle every day making that choice...but I do look good in my Ray Ban's, I just have to remember where I left them last.
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