What. A. Day. This week has been a stressful one as the gradual change-over happens from Four Feet of Fury to Cross Fit Crazy. I have not wanted to get out of bed all week and today was no exception. My alarm went off and I kept hitting the snooze button. My good dog Spanky crawled up on my chest and snuggled his head under my chin. While I laid there and contemplated staying in bed with Spanky, I knew I needed to get moving. I got out of bed and walked over to my dresser to pull out some underwear. I stood there and could not decide between the white ones with tan polka dots, the teal colored solid, or the red and pink stripes. I don't know how many minutes went by as I seriously analyzed how each pair would work with my possible wardrobe choice for the day. This decision shouldn't be this hard. It's underwear. It's not something as complex as black shoes or brown shoes with an off-white top and jeans. I mean, that could really go either way. It depends on several factors and the overall "feel" of the ensemble. Anyway, I finally settled on the appropriate pair (white with the tan polka dots, because I know you are invested in this conversation by now). The rest of the morning was equally challenging, what to wear, what to make for lunch, what am I bringing to the potluck? What the hell is going on with my hair? Why won't this hairspray do what it says it will do on the can? Mother Trucker.
I started on my way to work and realized just how late I was running. I sent FFF a text message informing her that I would be late because I had a bad attitude and that I would be there soon. When I did finally arrive, it was like the gates of hell were unleashed. The first thing I see is 200 fresh donuts, visitors that were here to launch a new product, all carrying red balloons, wearing shirts with a sun on them and eagerly waiting for employees to arrive. Someone led them straight to me. I won't go into all the details, but it wasn't long and I found myself in the freaking sun costume and I'm walking around the building with a fistful of balloons and spreading sun-shiny joy. Forced smile, crazy eyes, excreting all the damn that I could give. I was a ray of sunshine. People were confused. They know better. I guess this made it funnier, but the visitors following me around thought I was, and I quote, "A natural at this." And that I really am good at this and should do it professionally and look how great everyone is responding. Look, out-of-towners, this ain't my first rodeo. How does one "professionally" wear a sun costume and promote their product? Were they offering me a job? Should I do Jimmie Dean commercials in my spare time? I finally finished doing my rounds and returned to my desk. I took off the sun costume and said, "Sunrise is over folks, if you want mid-day sun, talk to Cross Fit Crazy."
My day progressed with random chaos. Things like, "Hey, is there anything you can do about the smell in the women's bathroom? It smells like a urinal when the janitor is done in there." I responded, "I'm pretty sure it smells like that before he goes in there. I'm just relieved when it doesn't smell like someone just emptied their bowels. I guess I don't notice the urinal smell." Seriously, do I really need to be fielding this question right now? Then, it's an email about the vending machine, "hey, the water line in the back of the machine is making a beeping noise and a light is flashing." I needed to have someone check my back, does it say Janitor on the back of my little sweater? I looked down, yep, I'm still wearing a dress and I don't see any yellow scrub gloves on my hands. I didn't see an embroidered name tag on my sweater that said "Greg - Vending Machine Repair. Hmmm, I wonder where these people were getting their information? After being told yesterday that the cheeseburgers in the vending machine were causing stomach upset and needed to be changed more regularly, I was about at my end of patience for this bullshit. Hey, dumbass, stop eating cheeseburgers out of a pre-sealed plastic bag that is stored in a lit up carousel of processed crap food. I would think if you shit your pants once, that would do it. Maybe cause you to change your ways. But if you want to just keep shitting yourself and complaining, then I don't know what to tell you.
"Cassondra, I need a new badge holder." "Cassondra, can you make a color copy of this?" "Cassondra, is it okay if we put pictures of race horses on these boxes and put them by your desk?" "Cassondra, where did you get these decorations?" "Cassondra, will you go get me a donut?" "Cassondra, I don't like the way my free t-shirt fits, get me a new size." "Cassondra, can you make sure everyone knows they are invited to this meeting and arrange it?" "Cassondra, do you have any swag I can take to a work function?" "Cassondra, do you have superglue?" "Cassondra, can I have the straw out of your cup?" "Cassondra...." And on and on and on....I found myself feeling a little on edge at 2pm, still had not taken lunch, but had consumed a donut and random potluck items. Now, I felt bad.
The day started to wind down, but people kept coming around to say their good-bye's to FFF, so it was constant commotion. At one point, we found ourselves, don't really know how, but we found ourselves discussing how the term "420" relates to marijuana. How did that start? Who started it. I suggested I would Google it. FFF immediately said, "NO, if you do, do it at home or your phone, not on the work computer." LOL. Look how cute she was, trying to keep us all out of trouble. Fine.
Finally, everything calmed down, FFF left the building for the day and I had a few moments of peace. Cross Fit Crazy came out of the office with our VP. The VP asked me, "Well, do you think this is going to work?" I told him, "Yes, no worries. I believe under my close supervision, I can mentor him and make him a good Director. He's not the first boss I've trained. I think he has potential. No worries, I got this." I could tell this put the VP right at ease. I'll whip Cross Fit into shape. Indeed.
I walked out to my truck with Valerina and we discussed and solved the problems of the company while standing in the rain. I think we got it hammered out. Just need to do the appropriate amount of ass-kicking, monitoring and enforcing. A lot of problems are handled in the parking lot. Maybe the US President needs to move some of his meetings to the parking lot. I'm telling you, it's very productive.
Feeling better about things, but still exhausted, I headed home. I thought I'd call my brother and ask him about the 420 thing. He is kind of a subject matter expert. We don't need to discuss how he is an expert. Sadly, he was not available...possibly because it was after 4:20pm and he was ...busy. Just a theory. I wish I could get into that whole drinking or smoking a bowl thing, I really could use to unwind and achieve full relaxation. As a matter of fact, I can think of a few other people that maybe should smoke a bowl from time to time so they don't send me over the edge.
I really have no eloquent or transitional way of ending this blog tonight, other than to say, I"m done. It's been a crazy day, tensions were high, energy was weird, people were stressed, things are a mess, any sense of normalcy is gone, I'm in a funk and need a serious vacation. I need to have Sassy Pants stop being my chocolate pimpette and I'm not calling anyone to ask them any "light-hearted" questions because of all the previous things I just mentioned. Shaking off today and going to bed.
I started on my way to work and realized just how late I was running. I sent FFF a text message informing her that I would be late because I had a bad attitude and that I would be there soon. When I did finally arrive, it was like the gates of hell were unleashed. The first thing I see is 200 fresh donuts, visitors that were here to launch a new product, all carrying red balloons, wearing shirts with a sun on them and eagerly waiting for employees to arrive. Someone led them straight to me. I won't go into all the details, but it wasn't long and I found myself in the freaking sun costume and I'm walking around the building with a fistful of balloons and spreading sun-shiny joy. Forced smile, crazy eyes, excreting all the damn that I could give. I was a ray of sunshine. People were confused. They know better. I guess this made it funnier, but the visitors following me around thought I was, and I quote, "A natural at this." And that I really am good at this and should do it professionally and look how great everyone is responding. Look, out-of-towners, this ain't my first rodeo. How does one "professionally" wear a sun costume and promote their product? Were they offering me a job? Should I do Jimmie Dean commercials in my spare time? I finally finished doing my rounds and returned to my desk. I took off the sun costume and said, "Sunrise is over folks, if you want mid-day sun, talk to Cross Fit Crazy."
My day progressed with random chaos. Things like, "Hey, is there anything you can do about the smell in the women's bathroom? It smells like a urinal when the janitor is done in there." I responded, "I'm pretty sure it smells like that before he goes in there. I'm just relieved when it doesn't smell like someone just emptied their bowels. I guess I don't notice the urinal smell." Seriously, do I really need to be fielding this question right now? Then, it's an email about the vending machine, "hey, the water line in the back of the machine is making a beeping noise and a light is flashing." I needed to have someone check my back, does it say Janitor on the back of my little sweater? I looked down, yep, I'm still wearing a dress and I don't see any yellow scrub gloves on my hands. I didn't see an embroidered name tag on my sweater that said "Greg - Vending Machine Repair. Hmmm, I wonder where these people were getting their information? After being told yesterday that the cheeseburgers in the vending machine were causing stomach upset and needed to be changed more regularly, I was about at my end of patience for this bullshit. Hey, dumbass, stop eating cheeseburgers out of a pre-sealed plastic bag that is stored in a lit up carousel of processed crap food. I would think if you shit your pants once, that would do it. Maybe cause you to change your ways. But if you want to just keep shitting yourself and complaining, then I don't know what to tell you.
"Cassondra, I need a new badge holder." "Cassondra, can you make a color copy of this?" "Cassondra, is it okay if we put pictures of race horses on these boxes and put them by your desk?" "Cassondra, where did you get these decorations?" "Cassondra, will you go get me a donut?" "Cassondra, I don't like the way my free t-shirt fits, get me a new size." "Cassondra, can you make sure everyone knows they are invited to this meeting and arrange it?" "Cassondra, do you have any swag I can take to a work function?" "Cassondra, do you have superglue?" "Cassondra, can I have the straw out of your cup?" "Cassondra...." And on and on and on....I found myself feeling a little on edge at 2pm, still had not taken lunch, but had consumed a donut and random potluck items. Now, I felt bad.
The day started to wind down, but people kept coming around to say their good-bye's to FFF, so it was constant commotion. At one point, we found ourselves, don't really know how, but we found ourselves discussing how the term "420" relates to marijuana. How did that start? Who started it. I suggested I would Google it. FFF immediately said, "NO, if you do, do it at home or your phone, not on the work computer." LOL. Look how cute she was, trying to keep us all out of trouble. Fine.
Finally, everything calmed down, FFF left the building for the day and I had a few moments of peace. Cross Fit Crazy came out of the office with our VP. The VP asked me, "Well, do you think this is going to work?" I told him, "Yes, no worries. I believe under my close supervision, I can mentor him and make him a good Director. He's not the first boss I've trained. I think he has potential. No worries, I got this." I could tell this put the VP right at ease. I'll whip Cross Fit into shape. Indeed.
I walked out to my truck with Valerina and we discussed and solved the problems of the company while standing in the rain. I think we got it hammered out. Just need to do the appropriate amount of ass-kicking, monitoring and enforcing. A lot of problems are handled in the parking lot. Maybe the US President needs to move some of his meetings to the parking lot. I'm telling you, it's very productive.
Feeling better about things, but still exhausted, I headed home. I thought I'd call my brother and ask him about the 420 thing. He is kind of a subject matter expert. We don't need to discuss how he is an expert. Sadly, he was not available...possibly because it was after 4:20pm and he was ...busy. Just a theory. I wish I could get into that whole drinking or smoking a bowl thing, I really could use to unwind and achieve full relaxation. As a matter of fact, I can think of a few other people that maybe should smoke a bowl from time to time so they don't send me over the edge.
I really have no eloquent or transitional way of ending this blog tonight, other than to say, I"m done. It's been a crazy day, tensions were high, energy was weird, people were stressed, things are a mess, any sense of normalcy is gone, I'm in a funk and need a serious vacation. I need to have Sassy Pants stop being my chocolate pimpette and I'm not calling anyone to ask them any "light-hearted" questions because of all the previous things I just mentioned. Shaking off today and going to bed.
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