This is the picture that I was tagged in or was posted to my Facebook page at least four times before I woke up this morning. Was it posted because people think I like unicorns or because people believe I want to stab people? Or, both? I don't know, but it makes a person stop and think, is this the energy I'm putting out there? I mean, I am Angry Pony, I guess. I can go on about asshats, motor home terrorists, lilly-livered, scum sucking mother truckers and the like. Hmmm. I can't have this, am I going to need an alibi if someone gets hurt? This is pretty incriminating. One of my FB friends pointed out that all of my friends have developed an escape plan if I should snap. I don't want to go as far as saying evacuation manuals have been created, but apparently, there is a contingency plan in place. My husband, Shark Bait, has voiced his fear that he will be wrapped in a tarp and stored under the house. Not true, he can stink up a bathroom alive, how the hell would he smell dead? I don't want that under the house. Hmph. I shouldn't be shocked about this perception people have, but at the end of the day, I'm not a violent person. Oh sure, I make all kinds of threats, but when is the last time I socked someone in the eye? The last time I gut-punched someone (okay, that is a bad example, but Shark Bait had it coming)? Sure, I bite people's heads off, but not literally, just figuratively. I do threaten to punch people in the head, the throat...the nuts. I guess I do have an anger problem, really, but I don't act on it. Hell, I've been threatening to jump off the sky bridge at the Glass Palace for 16 years. Look who is still employed AND alive... THIS girl!
**This part omitted due to censorship.***
After a day of working the table, I finally headed out. As I went through the doors, there was a huge clap of thunder and some lightening. I stopped. Was that for me? Nah. Had to be coincidence. I walked out to the truck where Shark Bait was waiting to take me home. The weather continued to be crazy on the way home with thunder, lightening, crazy hail and wind. I didn't yell at any stupid drivers or have any temper tantrums. It was lovely. We stopped at Panda Express and got some dinner (don't even get me started about how bad for me that is. Piss off, I got the freaking teriyaki chicken and beef broccoli) and headed home. For the record, my fortune cookie fortune said, "Everything will now come your way." Well, I started opening the mail, and I think that fortune really paid off! We got a Valentine's Day card from Polly Passion Party, we got a hand-written note from Sprint thanking us for being customers for all these years. I mean, not asking for anything, just saying thank you. Then, for the grand finale, we finally got our settlement check for a Bank of America overdraft check lawsuit. That's right, $5.65!!! HELL YEAH! Freakin'-A! It says right on there we can cash it right away. You bet your ass I will Bank of America, you bet your ass... I guess it pays not to stab people, because then karma comes around and shows you how sweet life can be. That's right, a good fortune, a Valentine, a thank you card and $5.65. Who says I'm not rich? Who says that life is serving me up lemons? Who says I'm not riding high? Hell yes I'm high. Wait.No. I'm not high. You can't get high for $5.65 unless you suck helium out of a balloon.
Anyway, to the people that posted that stabby unicorn picture, take that, mother truckers...$5.65 and no criminal charges.
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