I'm driving home in rush hour traffic. I have the radio on, I'm on the lookout for people driving like asshats, you know, the usual. I think to myself, "dang, my mouth is really dry, I could use a mint or something...wait, isn't there a Starburst in my pocket?" I had taken my fleece jacket off and it was thrown over the seat, so I'm driving with one hand and seeking the pocket with the Starburst with the other hand. Digging, digging, damn it, wrong pocket, so I make my way to the other side of the jacket. My hand is in the pocket, I can feel the Starburst, but I can't get to it. What the hell? It's then, at that moment, that I realize, I'm in a pocket on the inside of the jacket. Well color me happy, that jacket has had an inside pocket all this time and I never knew! All this time, it was right there. I could have used it for so many things...but I digress. I finally got to the right pocket and found the Starburst. As I chewed on the orange Starburst, which is my second favorite flavor, the red one is the best, I thought to myself, this whole thing with the jacket is just like my life.
I spend all this time seeking this one thing. Searching, analyzing, dreaming about it, that I don't even see the things I do have that I should be thankful for, like a damn secret pocket. And then, I'm sad I didn't know I had the pocket for all the things I could have used the pocket for. Wasted time with stuff in the pocket. And now, sure I can use it, but what about all that time that was wasted? I think about that stuff. Why? What possible benefit is there to doing that? Then I start thinking about the Starburst. It was the orange one. Not the red one, which is my favorite. I can't ever just have what I want. I wanted a red one. Why can't I just be thankful there was an orange one? And be thankful it wasn't the pink one, because I really don't like the pink one. Don't get me wrong, I'll eat it, but I won't enjoy it. Some people think pink is the best, but they are wrong. I won't even take the time to argue about it. Red is the best. End of story. Then I start wishing I had another Starburst, because correct me if I'm wrong, who just eats ONE of them?
This whole secret pocket and orange Starburst thing really is all about my life as I know it. It really sums it up. I just need to be thankful for what I have, orange or red. I need to find joy in life's daily surprises. To sum it up: Eat the mother trucking orange Starburst, enjoy it and be exited you have a new pocket to hide future Starbursts in and don't worry about when that will be, because someday, there will be one there, and if by some chance there isn't, that's okay because you'll probably stop at Wendy's someday and get a Frosty and that will totally make up for any Starburst that did or did not happen. Why is that so hard to understand?
But here I am, frustrated because something I want, I can't have. And it isn't that I can't have it, it's just that the store that has the red Starbursts is at the end of a difficult road. Like, I need 4-wheel drive to get there. I have a Cabbage Patch Kids Big Wheel that barely gets me across the yard. I need an upgrade, clearly. Trying to figure out how to get the upgrade. The Angry Pony 4X4 Edition with the Power Train warranty. And, if I could, the new truck smell.
So, anyway, that is pretty much why the red hair, because I can control the change, I can make it happen. That's why the tattoo, I decided. My body, my life, I controlled it. And both things I did not giving a shit who liked or didn't like, because I am all about not taking time to give others the power over me. This year has changed me. The Presidential election, the women's march, the ending of a friendship over it. The open criticism, the silent opinion, I take it all in and I kick it back out to you. Now, if I can use that power for my personal mission, that would be good. That time is coming. I know it is.
However, until that time comes, I don't know what may happen next. My hair may end up blue and I might start doing Yoga or something, but I probably won't pierce anything. As a matter of fact, on the way home after I got the tattoo, I was kind of on a high and I said to Shark Bait, "hey, should I pierce something for my next endeavor?" He asked if I wanted to get my nipples done. I asked, "Would that turn you on?" (asked for research purposes only, I'm NOT piercing my mother trucking nipples) He says, "I don't know...." I responded with, "look, if you don't know, I sure as hell am not shoving little rods through my nipples. Seriously." So, just know, there will be no follow-up blog about what it was like the day I got X, Y, Z and certainly not my V, pierced. Rest assured, not on my watch. There is no crisis major enough to cause that madness to happen.
With all this said, I don't know how many of you put that much thought into getting a Starburst out of your pocket, but I'd love to hear some tips and tricks on how to make the process be shorter.
Thank you in advance for your suggestions.
