Well, I have experienced "Therapy Thursday," "Wack-job Wednesday" and now, "Talk Me Down Tuesday." That really only leaves "Freak out Friday" and "Moping on a Monday." We'll give TMDT a chance.
Today, we talked about my all-time record of being positive for 15 days straight. I mean, it's a big deal. I've been eating good, no cheating, I posted some positive meme's on Facebook without throwing up in my mouth and I've even said, "Good Morning" to a few people at work. Hell, I even wore a shirt to work that said, "SMILE" on it for a new program launch. This is behavior that cannot be discounted. I feel like I just graduated from Schick Schadel Hospital or something and I don't even want to drink or smoke. I think the Rug Doctor was quite pleased.
I went on to tell her that the voices in the back of my mind, or wherever they live, are worried that I can't possibly sustain this foreign practice of behavior. She says we just take one day at a time. Short-term goals. I told her that being positive and seemingly happy can only lead to discord when the rug gets pulled out from underneath me. I said, "You ever see the movie Final Destination? That girl is all happy and then steps out in the street and then SPLAT!!! Freaking bus hits her and she's dead...and pureed. I suppose you'd tell me that at least she was happy all that time and didn't waste time being sad. I suppose you'd tell me her outcome would not have changed had she worried or been depressed vs just embracing life, isn't that what you were going to say to me?" I like to think when I work this out myself I should get a discount on my co-pay, but she is the one that went to school for this shit, so I let it be. The Rug Doctor said that she would say something close to that. I think years of therapy qualifies me to be a therapist someday. I mean, I kind of already am in some ways, but I'd like to just call these sessions an apprenticeship. Someday I'll hang a shingle up and my practice will be called Let's Cut Through The Shit, Shall We? Too long? I guess I can put some more thought into it. I suppose it should be more nurturing. Meh. Whatev's.
Speaking of the word, "Meh" do you know that Shark Bait HATES it when I say that to him? It started as a joke, but it actually drives him KUH-RAZY. Like, of all the things I do, of all the times I'm difficult, this is the thing he clings to that seriously, all joking aside, pisses him off. You know what I have to say about that? Meh. I guess I need to try harder to make one of my other behaviors more annoying. Challenge accepted.
Anyway, the Rug Doctor and I continued to talk about my inner voices and how I need to get Catastrophe Cassondra to calm down. I need to tell her that I am acknowledging her, but that I am going to stay on the current path of being positive. I likened it to talking to a toddler. "Honey, Mommy is being positive right now, why don't you sit down and watch a movie...no, not The Day After Tomorrow....no, not Titanic..look, do you want a time-out? Mommy is trying to be positive but your making Mommy want to beat your ass...no, throwing that temper tantrum won't work...and NO ice cream, Mommy is eating healthy...don't make me come back there!!!" And that is where things get weird. I'm still working out the kinks. If you ever see me yelling at myself, just let me be, I'm shaping the life of an unruly personality that has never known boundaries. It's a full time job.
I guess that was about it. It may actually be possible that I'm finally making a break-through. I'm not that upset about Shark Bait's man cold that I seem to be getting. I'm not that upset about the sink hole that tried to kill me (go sit down Catastrophe Cassondra...) but that didn't seem to damage anything. I'm just like, no big deal, I got this. We are gonna be okay. Maybe it is the lack of sugar I have been eating. All these years I thought sugar made me happy and it actually took me down to the saddest I've ever been. Who knew eradicating it would have so many benefits. Well, honestly, a lot of scientists and health freaks knew about it, but...chocolate...you know? What was I supposed to do? Just give it up? Turns out the answer is yes. Just as long as nothing makes me give up my ponies. I gotta draw the line somewhere.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go chug some broth and some zinc and not be bitter about it.
Today, we talked about my all-time record of being positive for 15 days straight. I mean, it's a big deal. I've been eating good, no cheating, I posted some positive meme's on Facebook without throwing up in my mouth and I've even said, "Good Morning" to a few people at work. Hell, I even wore a shirt to work that said, "SMILE" on it for a new program launch. This is behavior that cannot be discounted. I feel like I just graduated from Schick Schadel Hospital or something and I don't even want to drink or smoke. I think the Rug Doctor was quite pleased.
I went on to tell her that the voices in the back of my mind, or wherever they live, are worried that I can't possibly sustain this foreign practice of behavior. She says we just take one day at a time. Short-term goals. I told her that being positive and seemingly happy can only lead to discord when the rug gets pulled out from underneath me. I said, "You ever see the movie Final Destination? That girl is all happy and then steps out in the street and then SPLAT!!! Freaking bus hits her and she's dead...and pureed. I suppose you'd tell me that at least she was happy all that time and didn't waste time being sad. I suppose you'd tell me her outcome would not have changed had she worried or been depressed vs just embracing life, isn't that what you were going to say to me?" I like to think when I work this out myself I should get a discount on my co-pay, but she is the one that went to school for this shit, so I let it be. The Rug Doctor said that she would say something close to that. I think years of therapy qualifies me to be a therapist someday. I mean, I kind of already am in some ways, but I'd like to just call these sessions an apprenticeship. Someday I'll hang a shingle up and my practice will be called Let's Cut Through The Shit, Shall We? Too long? I guess I can put some more thought into it. I suppose it should be more nurturing. Meh. Whatev's.
Speaking of the word, "Meh" do you know that Shark Bait HATES it when I say that to him? It started as a joke, but it actually drives him KUH-RAZY. Like, of all the things I do, of all the times I'm difficult, this is the thing he clings to that seriously, all joking aside, pisses him off. You know what I have to say about that? Meh. I guess I need to try harder to make one of my other behaviors more annoying. Challenge accepted.
Anyway, the Rug Doctor and I continued to talk about my inner voices and how I need to get Catastrophe Cassondra to calm down. I need to tell her that I am acknowledging her, but that I am going to stay on the current path of being positive. I likened it to talking to a toddler. "Honey, Mommy is being positive right now, why don't you sit down and watch a movie...no, not The Day After Tomorrow....no, not Titanic..look, do you want a time-out? Mommy is trying to be positive but your making Mommy want to beat your ass...no, throwing that temper tantrum won't work...and NO ice cream, Mommy is eating healthy...don't make me come back there!!!" And that is where things get weird. I'm still working out the kinks. If you ever see me yelling at myself, just let me be, I'm shaping the life of an unruly personality that has never known boundaries. It's a full time job.
I guess that was about it. It may actually be possible that I'm finally making a break-through. I'm not that upset about Shark Bait's man cold that I seem to be getting. I'm not that upset about the sink hole that tried to kill me (go sit down Catastrophe Cassondra...) but that didn't seem to damage anything. I'm just like, no big deal, I got this. We are gonna be okay. Maybe it is the lack of sugar I have been eating. All these years I thought sugar made me happy and it actually took me down to the saddest I've ever been. Who knew eradicating it would have so many benefits. Well, honestly, a lot of scientists and health freaks knew about it, but...chocolate...you know? What was I supposed to do? Just give it up? Turns out the answer is yes. Just as long as nothing makes me give up my ponies. I gotta draw the line somewhere.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go chug some broth and some zinc and not be bitter about it.
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| I have this much positive energy to give! |
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