Today I celebrate 9 years of marriage with my beloved Shark Bait. We've been together a total of 12 years. It seems like a drop in the bucket compared to some people that have been married a lifetime, but if you compare it to Hollywood, we are lifers.
I've been thinking a lot lately about what marriage is really like. There was a post on Facebook about a month or so ago that was a 7-Day Spouse Challenge where you post a picture of you and your spouse on FB everyday for seven days. It was just an opportunity to post something light-hearted and positive. Some people criticized it as portraying a life that wasn't really real, or bragging. I didn't think that at all. I looked at it as a celebration. I didn't do it to rub anyone's nose in our alleged happiness, to prove anything or to show my spouse that I loved him. I did it as a fun thing on FB and it was an opportunity to look through a bunch of pictures and memories to find some shots of us, which are usually selfies, since we do things on our own a lot. There was even an article written that blasted the 7-Day Spouse Challenge talking about how it made other people feel and that it made everyone roll their eyes and that the participants were trying to portray a life that didn't really exist. My response was, "Wow, bitter much? Seriously, it is FB, they are pictures, everyone knows marriage is hard." Of course I'm not posting pictures of the hard times because we don't take selfies mid-argument. We don't capture on film when one of us is wrapped around the toilet with the stomach flu and the other person runs to the store to get butt wipes because the sick person can't use toilet paper on their ass...not even one more time. Those things don't make it to FB because who wants to see that? NO ONE (However, blogging about it, that's GOLD). Anyway, I could go on about it, but what I'm saying is, marriage and relationships are challenging, they are sometimes hard, a lot of work and hopefully worth the effort. I mean it has been for us.
One of my best friends always told me, "I don't know why you wanna find a boyfriend and get married. It's not as glamorous as you think it is. It's picking up their tightie-whitie's off the floor with skid marks on them and putting up with their crap." Alas, I was 30 years old and the clock was ticking. I was sure it wasn't as grim as she depicted. As luck would have it, I met Shark Bait a couple years after that. I was especially in luck because he wears boxers, picks up his own underwear, and to date, I haven't found any skid marks.
Our marriage, from day one, has been challenge after challenge. One month before our wedding day, Shark Bait lost his job of 10 years. There was no period of marital bliss. We immediately had a wedding to pay for, a house payment, bills and all that hard financial stuff to deal with. What followed was several years of Shark Bait going from job to job and spending a lot of time either laid off due to lack of work, or looking for a new job. It was a huge strain. We ended up going through all of our savings and eventually losing our house. We also found out we couldn't have kids. I eventually had to go through losing my Dad after a battle with cancer. All of it was heart-breaking. We likely took selfies during that time, many of which I am sure were put on FB. None of them were captioned with phrases like, "We are scared, we argued about money last night and we don't know what we are going to do." But that was the reality. The reality was also that we were committed to each other, this relationship, this marriage and we were going to be okay, no matter what.
Fast forward through a lot of life happening. I mean, we have had a hell of a year this past year alone, but here we are, stronger for all we've been through. Sure, there are days I want to punch that guy in the gut, for no reason at all, or because he left the door open on the medicine cabinet for the one millionth time, but mostly, I am thankful for him. When I stop and think about all the comfort this relationship brings me, I can't even imagine my life without those things. For example:
At the end of the day, even if there is a dead, rotting possum under the house that we can't find, at least I have Shark Bait to reach the scented candles on the top shelf. I mean, that's love. You won't find that on a Hallmark card. Life is still hard. We still have challenges, we still have arguments, but at the end of the day, there is a kiss and an "I love you." I probably take that for granted sometimes, but I shouldn't because not everyone finds that. I don't feel like a lucky person most of the time. I'm a glass is half-empty with a crack in it kind of person, but I am lucky I found Shark Bait, or that he found me.
So, take that, Facebook. Take this blog link and gag away. Roll your eyes. Say that I'm bragging...because I am.
Happy Anniversary, Shark Bait. Love you more.
P.S. Shark Bait, if you eat the last bite of that 7-layer cake from Claim Jumper, I'll take you down. (This is part of any relationship - Chocolate negotiation. It's a thing.)
I've been thinking a lot lately about what marriage is really like. There was a post on Facebook about a month or so ago that was a 7-Day Spouse Challenge where you post a picture of you and your spouse on FB everyday for seven days. It was just an opportunity to post something light-hearted and positive. Some people criticized it as portraying a life that wasn't really real, or bragging. I didn't think that at all. I looked at it as a celebration. I didn't do it to rub anyone's nose in our alleged happiness, to prove anything or to show my spouse that I loved him. I did it as a fun thing on FB and it was an opportunity to look through a bunch of pictures and memories to find some shots of us, which are usually selfies, since we do things on our own a lot. There was even an article written that blasted the 7-Day Spouse Challenge talking about how it made other people feel and that it made everyone roll their eyes and that the participants were trying to portray a life that didn't really exist. My response was, "Wow, bitter much? Seriously, it is FB, they are pictures, everyone knows marriage is hard." Of course I'm not posting pictures of the hard times because we don't take selfies mid-argument. We don't capture on film when one of us is wrapped around the toilet with the stomach flu and the other person runs to the store to get butt wipes because the sick person can't use toilet paper on their ass...not even one more time. Those things don't make it to FB because who wants to see that? NO ONE (However, blogging about it, that's GOLD). Anyway, I could go on about it, but what I'm saying is, marriage and relationships are challenging, they are sometimes hard, a lot of work and hopefully worth the effort. I mean it has been for us.
One of my best friends always told me, "I don't know why you wanna find a boyfriend and get married. It's not as glamorous as you think it is. It's picking up their tightie-whitie's off the floor with skid marks on them and putting up with their crap." Alas, I was 30 years old and the clock was ticking. I was sure it wasn't as grim as she depicted. As luck would have it, I met Shark Bait a couple years after that. I was especially in luck because he wears boxers, picks up his own underwear, and to date, I haven't found any skid marks.
Our marriage, from day one, has been challenge after challenge. One month before our wedding day, Shark Bait lost his job of 10 years. There was no period of marital bliss. We immediately had a wedding to pay for, a house payment, bills and all that hard financial stuff to deal with. What followed was several years of Shark Bait going from job to job and spending a lot of time either laid off due to lack of work, or looking for a new job. It was a huge strain. We ended up going through all of our savings and eventually losing our house. We also found out we couldn't have kids. I eventually had to go through losing my Dad after a battle with cancer. All of it was heart-breaking. We likely took selfies during that time, many of which I am sure were put on FB. None of them were captioned with phrases like, "We are scared, we argued about money last night and we don't know what we are going to do." But that was the reality. The reality was also that we were committed to each other, this relationship, this marriage and we were going to be okay, no matter what.
Fast forward through a lot of life happening. I mean, we have had a hell of a year this past year alone, but here we are, stronger for all we've been through. Sure, there are days I want to punch that guy in the gut, for no reason at all, or because he left the door open on the medicine cabinet for the one millionth time, but mostly, I am thankful for him. When I stop and think about all the comfort this relationship brings me, I can't even imagine my life without those things. For example:
- Unlimited spider assassination and removal. All I have to do is yell, "Spider!" and no matter how big or how small, Shark Bait comes in an instant and saves me. Look, I know they are trying to kill me. The frequency and increased size of the spiders is a direct indication they are stepping up their game to catch me and live off of my dead body for centuries. I could easily feed a colony for eternity.
- Hugs & Kisses. Shark Bait is pretty affectionate. I get unlimited hugs and kisses. He holds my hand whenever we are in public, in the truck, sometimes while we watch TV. I always get a kiss and hug before I leave for work and I always get a kiss and hug when I walk through the door or when he comes home. I always get a kiss before going to sleep each night.
- He supports my pony love. It doesn't matter how much time I want to spend with my real ponies or how many stuffed ponies live in our house. He supports that. I mean, there isn't really much he can do about it, but he doesn't try and stop me. I interpret that as support.
- The bathroom door is open. We don't really have any secrets. Some people say the bathroom door open thing kills the romance. I don't know about all that, but there is a level of comfort one can achieve just understanding the body does what it does and that everybody poops. Oh, and girls fart. I didn't actually start this, Shark Bait did. Eventually, I just went with it. We have had a lot of moments that might make the average person cringe, but hey, if I have a bump on my butt I can't see, I need that investigated. Just saying, it's like living with a doctor.
- Tall Guy. I'm 5'6". There is a lot of stuff I can't reach. Shark Bait is there to save the day. All I have to say is, "Tall Guy...." and he comes to my aide. It's like having a step stool with arms.
- "Hey Baby...." This phrase usually produces a response, "What's up, what do you need?" And then he gets me whatever that thing is I need, because, first, I need stuff and secondly, I'm probably on the couch with my feet up and my good dog Spanky is on my lap. You can't disturb a wiener under a blanket, it's an unwritten law. Clearly, I am not able to move and Shark Bait is there to save the day.
- Back Scratching. Shark Bait is the best at back scratching. Not big on foot massage, but rocks it at back scratching.
- Door Opening. Shark Bait is kind of old-fashioned. He opens doors for me. He ushers me through crowds either by putting his hand on my back or holding my hand and leading me behind him, thusly clearing a path. I appreciate that.
- "I love you." He says this many times everyday. There is never a day that goes by that he does not say it at least once.
- Tells me I'm beautiful. It doesn't matter if I just woke up, have the flu, am dressed to the nines, with make-up, without make-up, buck naked or in my pink pony magical footie pajamas. He always says I'm beautiful.
- "Are we EVER gonna do it again?" If I send that text to Shark Bait, it's like a bat signal for sex. That's all I have to say and it's on like Donkey Kong. Who says the romance is dead?
At the end of the day, even if there is a dead, rotting possum under the house that we can't find, at least I have Shark Bait to reach the scented candles on the top shelf. I mean, that's love. You won't find that on a Hallmark card. Life is still hard. We still have challenges, we still have arguments, but at the end of the day, there is a kiss and an "I love you." I probably take that for granted sometimes, but I shouldn't because not everyone finds that. I don't feel like a lucky person most of the time. I'm a glass is half-empty with a crack in it kind of person, but I am lucky I found Shark Bait, or that he found me.
So, take that, Facebook. Take this blog link and gag away. Roll your eyes. Say that I'm bragging...because I am.
Happy Anniversary, Shark Bait. Love you more.
P.S. Shark Bait, if you eat the last bite of that 7-layer cake from Claim Jumper, I'll take you down. (This is part of any relationship - Chocolate negotiation. It's a thing.)
May you have many years of many Anniversaries, filled with the love that started it all. It is so enjoyable to see how much you two share with each other. Wishing nothing but the best, now and always. Sincerely.
ReplyDeleteThank you, "sincerely" :)
ReplyDeleteFYI, this is Sharkbait, I didn't eat the last of the 7 layer cake, but did finish the apple pie, and caught hell for that.
ReplyDelete