Well, here we are on the last day of 2015. I haven't blogged much this past year and I don't really even remember what all has transpired. It wasn't a particularly great year from what I remember. It had a few high points, but it was not a year of moving forward or accomplishing anything amazing. Which begs the question, does every year have to include something amazing? Was survival the amazing accomplishment? Is that good enough?
I know the last three months of this year, for Shark Bait and I, have SUCKED ASS. But what happened the rest of the year? Where did things stagnate? When did I give up? When? It's all just a blur. So, I went to my blog, where all my drama is housed. I found this blog: http://angry-pony.blogspot.com/2015/02/best-cry-of-2015.html. Oh yeah, that's right. That's where I gave up. I remember now.
OH, and also life changing, my band of Boot Bitches slowly all left the Glass Palace. There are just two of us left there, but we are in different departments. To lose that daily support really impacted me more than I thought it would. We all still stay in contact when we can via Facebook chats, but ultimately, it just isn't the same. No more hug threats, no more chocolate interventions...just...not the same. I mean, I have Camo Boy, who was kind of our boy member, of sorts, but he just doesn't have a uterus. I miss the daily presence of my bitches but am thankful that we still talk stuff through. Shark Bait will say, "What's going on with the Bitches today?" I'll be like, "Oh, so and so is a shy pooper..." or "so and so's kid thinks there is grass in her hoo hoo..." or "We're thinking about having a reality show about being bounty hunters..." You know, important stuff. They are still my sounding board on the serious stuff, too, and I am theirs. That is what friendship is about, being there even when you can't physically be there. I heart those bitches.
On a positive note, Shark Bait and I did get to go to California this year. Granted, it was for a memorial service for his uncle that passed unexpectedly, but we did get a few days to spend with friends and family that were enjoyable. We drove around in a convertible in the sunshine and for just a few days, we enjoyed each other and contemplated the importance of taking advantage of every moment together as tomorrow is not promised. A lesson well-learned by the reason for our visit. The trip was over too fast but it was a highlight of 2015.
Over the last three months, the whole year kind of happened all at once, really. Due to a problem with paperwork and regulations, Shark Bait was out of work from the end of September until, well, hopefully he will be back to work next week, on January 4th. I thought that was a kick in the gut. And then, over Thanksgiving weekend, we found out our landlord was actively advertising the property we were living at for rent. We found out that she was illegally renting the cabin we live in due to the fact it was never coded as a livable residence with the county, and she was renting three residences on one piece of property, attempting to rent to a fourth person. So, anyway, there are a lot more details to it, but bottom line, we needed to move. Things got ugly fast and there was not enough Xanax to make it okay. Shark Bait and I had to find a home for us, the dogs and the ponies at the worst time of the year. Merry freaking Christmas.
We had no money saved up for deposits or moving expenses since we were already living very tight on one income. We started looking at what was for rent and the reality was, we needed to choose something that would not include the ponies. And, finding something that would take the dogs was another challenge. I spent days crying about the ponies and the thought of not being able to live with them. I had to adopt the motto of, "It's just for now, it's not forever." It was still hard, but Shark Bait and I were able to put a deposit on a house with a big yard that would take the dogs. The ponies would go live with Mom.
In spite of feeling like our world was crashing down around us and that life was not fair and that maybe I was being punished for something, Shark Bait and I were also very fortunate. We were able to quickly sell the little fishing boat he had, some of his extra toys and I sold my fancy show saddle. We were lucky, in a sense. And, I did not, for one moment take that for granted. We were fortunate that in our darkest hour there were people there to help us and we were able to make it happen. And, while it sucked Shark Bait was not working, he was able to have the time off to get us moved out of the cabin and into the house. I mean, I don't want to go so far as to say we "lucked out," but some things did work in our favor given the circumstances.
Everyone says things happen for a reason. I don't know if I believe that or not. However, during our move, we did discover a hole and the floor rotting underneath our bed which could have very easily lead to us being seriously injured had the floor given way while we were in bed. I guess it's a good thing Shark Bait and I didn't do anything too crazy up there in the loft, we may have had a lot of explaining to do...we'll chalk that up to a 2015 success story. So, maybe we were being "looked out for" or maybe we just lucked out. It is comforting to believe we are being looked out for. So maybe that is what we'll go with.
Anyway, as we started to settle in to the new house, the hits just seemed to keep coming. We had not even been in our house a week and our dog was pounced on, in our very own yard, by a neighbor dog and her back leg broken. Yeah, cuz I got money for that kind of vet bill. So, I am thankful that I have enough money to take her to the vet, but pissed, because now I can't pay some other bills. No cushion. I'm torn on how that glass is looking right now, half-full, half-empty. While I was pondering the water level, I also chipped my front tooth on a water bottle. Seriously, enough 2015! ENOUGH.
All that fourth quarter B.S. aside, kind of a boring year all in all. But as I sat here tonight trying to decide what to write, not wanting to be melancholy baby and not wanting to go on about weight drama, I didn't really know what to think. It's all so boring and uninspiring.
And then, my sister stopped by with her friend Thai-Dan. It seems he has bigger problems. His Dad, who is 72, is living in Thailand and has a girlfriend Thai-Dan's age. Apparently she wants a baby, so Thai-Dan's Dad wants to know if Thai-Dan will pony up some sperm. We all then shared a conversation about would that make the baby his child or his sibling? It seems complicated. And then, would he do it the "natural way" or would he donate his spermies. Then he said his Mom just married another woman and they are moving to Maui. What if they want another child. He could have two sets of siblings/children. And then, should he marry his kind-of-girlfriend he has in Thailand? If he does, it will cost him $13,000, because that's what they do in Thailand. I was like, dude, you can have sex in America for free. He said that any marriage is a business transaction of some sort. I said, "Well, when Shark Bait and I married, there was no dowry. Neither one of us brought any major cash to the marriage. And here we are, working on our 8th year of marriage and have worked our way up to renting a 1988 mobile home." I asked him, "Do you love her? Or do you just want exotic sex?" Thai-Dan didn't have a really good answer to that. I told him to just take his wiener international. Don't get married just because, right? Young people problems, no thank you.
I sat there and contemplated the things on Thai-Dan's mind and what was going on in his life. I'll take my boring little life, I guess. I think things seem complicated for me sometimes, but I know what I want and where I'm going. I don't always know how to get there, or if I do, I don't always do what I should to get there, but I know, you know?
As I sit here typing this, I guess at this moment when I think I have nothing to be particularly proud of or to celebrate, I have this: I have Shark Bait. No matter what happens to us, we handle it. We survive. We buckle down and get through the shit life throws at us, but we also enjoy the stuff we are blessed with. We have been hit with some tough stuff from the day we got married going forward. And there are days we don't see eye to eye and there are days when we are two people just trying not to lose our shit, but there are the important days that we rally. The days when it is all falling down around us and we pull together and come out that much stronger. I have to celebrate that. Maybe there are no riches, maybe there are no fancy houses, maybe there are no little black dresses, but there is us.
Overall, the year happened to me rather than me happening all over that year. But, it's done. I will not beat myself up over it. I will move on, with some regret, but I will move on nonetheless.
So, 2015, thank you for giving me "us," but keep the rest of that shit out of 2016.
I know the last three months of this year, for Shark Bait and I, have SUCKED ASS. But what happened the rest of the year? Where did things stagnate? When did I give up? When? It's all just a blur. So, I went to my blog, where all my drama is housed. I found this blog: http://angry-pony.blogspot.com/2015/02/best-cry-of-2015.html. Oh yeah, that's right. That's where I gave up. I remember now.
OH, and also life changing, my band of Boot Bitches slowly all left the Glass Palace. There are just two of us left there, but we are in different departments. To lose that daily support really impacted me more than I thought it would. We all still stay in contact when we can via Facebook chats, but ultimately, it just isn't the same. No more hug threats, no more chocolate interventions...just...not the same. I mean, I have Camo Boy, who was kind of our boy member, of sorts, but he just doesn't have a uterus. I miss the daily presence of my bitches but am thankful that we still talk stuff through. Shark Bait will say, "What's going on with the Bitches today?" I'll be like, "Oh, so and so is a shy pooper..." or "so and so's kid thinks there is grass in her hoo hoo..." or "We're thinking about having a reality show about being bounty hunters..." You know, important stuff. They are still my sounding board on the serious stuff, too, and I am theirs. That is what friendship is about, being there even when you can't physically be there. I heart those bitches.
On a positive note, Shark Bait and I did get to go to California this year. Granted, it was for a memorial service for his uncle that passed unexpectedly, but we did get a few days to spend with friends and family that were enjoyable. We drove around in a convertible in the sunshine and for just a few days, we enjoyed each other and contemplated the importance of taking advantage of every moment together as tomorrow is not promised. A lesson well-learned by the reason for our visit. The trip was over too fast but it was a highlight of 2015.
Over the last three months, the whole year kind of happened all at once, really. Due to a problem with paperwork and regulations, Shark Bait was out of work from the end of September until, well, hopefully he will be back to work next week, on January 4th. I thought that was a kick in the gut. And then, over Thanksgiving weekend, we found out our landlord was actively advertising the property we were living at for rent. We found out that she was illegally renting the cabin we live in due to the fact it was never coded as a livable residence with the county, and she was renting three residences on one piece of property, attempting to rent to a fourth person. So, anyway, there are a lot more details to it, but bottom line, we needed to move. Things got ugly fast and there was not enough Xanax to make it okay. Shark Bait and I had to find a home for us, the dogs and the ponies at the worst time of the year. Merry freaking Christmas.
We had no money saved up for deposits or moving expenses since we were already living very tight on one income. We started looking at what was for rent and the reality was, we needed to choose something that would not include the ponies. And, finding something that would take the dogs was another challenge. I spent days crying about the ponies and the thought of not being able to live with them. I had to adopt the motto of, "It's just for now, it's not forever." It was still hard, but Shark Bait and I were able to put a deposit on a house with a big yard that would take the dogs. The ponies would go live with Mom.
In spite of feeling like our world was crashing down around us and that life was not fair and that maybe I was being punished for something, Shark Bait and I were also very fortunate. We were able to quickly sell the little fishing boat he had, some of his extra toys and I sold my fancy show saddle. We were lucky, in a sense. And, I did not, for one moment take that for granted. We were fortunate that in our darkest hour there were people there to help us and we were able to make it happen. And, while it sucked Shark Bait was not working, he was able to have the time off to get us moved out of the cabin and into the house. I mean, I don't want to go so far as to say we "lucked out," but some things did work in our favor given the circumstances.
Everyone says things happen for a reason. I don't know if I believe that or not. However, during our move, we did discover a hole and the floor rotting underneath our bed which could have very easily lead to us being seriously injured had the floor given way while we were in bed. I guess it's a good thing Shark Bait and I didn't do anything too crazy up there in the loft, we may have had a lot of explaining to do...we'll chalk that up to a 2015 success story. So, maybe we were being "looked out for" or maybe we just lucked out. It is comforting to believe we are being looked out for. So maybe that is what we'll go with.
Anyway, as we started to settle in to the new house, the hits just seemed to keep coming. We had not even been in our house a week and our dog was pounced on, in our very own yard, by a neighbor dog and her back leg broken. Yeah, cuz I got money for that kind of vet bill. So, I am thankful that I have enough money to take her to the vet, but pissed, because now I can't pay some other bills. No cushion. I'm torn on how that glass is looking right now, half-full, half-empty. While I was pondering the water level, I also chipped my front tooth on a water bottle. Seriously, enough 2015! ENOUGH.
All that fourth quarter B.S. aside, kind of a boring year all in all. But as I sat here tonight trying to decide what to write, not wanting to be melancholy baby and not wanting to go on about weight drama, I didn't really know what to think. It's all so boring and uninspiring.
And then, my sister stopped by with her friend Thai-Dan. It seems he has bigger problems. His Dad, who is 72, is living in Thailand and has a girlfriend Thai-Dan's age. Apparently she wants a baby, so Thai-Dan's Dad wants to know if Thai-Dan will pony up some sperm. We all then shared a conversation about would that make the baby his child or his sibling? It seems complicated. And then, would he do it the "natural way" or would he donate his spermies. Then he said his Mom just married another woman and they are moving to Maui. What if they want another child. He could have two sets of siblings/children. And then, should he marry his kind-of-girlfriend he has in Thailand? If he does, it will cost him $13,000, because that's what they do in Thailand. I was like, dude, you can have sex in America for free. He said that any marriage is a business transaction of some sort. I said, "Well, when Shark Bait and I married, there was no dowry. Neither one of us brought any major cash to the marriage. And here we are, working on our 8th year of marriage and have worked our way up to renting a 1988 mobile home." I asked him, "Do you love her? Or do you just want exotic sex?" Thai-Dan didn't have a really good answer to that. I told him to just take his wiener international. Don't get married just because, right? Young people problems, no thank you.
I sat there and contemplated the things on Thai-Dan's mind and what was going on in his life. I'll take my boring little life, I guess. I think things seem complicated for me sometimes, but I know what I want and where I'm going. I don't always know how to get there, or if I do, I don't always do what I should to get there, but I know, you know?
As I sit here typing this, I guess at this moment when I think I have nothing to be particularly proud of or to celebrate, I have this: I have Shark Bait. No matter what happens to us, we handle it. We survive. We buckle down and get through the shit life throws at us, but we also enjoy the stuff we are blessed with. We have been hit with some tough stuff from the day we got married going forward. And there are days we don't see eye to eye and there are days when we are two people just trying not to lose our shit, but there are the important days that we rally. The days when it is all falling down around us and we pull together and come out that much stronger. I have to celebrate that. Maybe there are no riches, maybe there are no fancy houses, maybe there are no little black dresses, but there is us.
Overall, the year happened to me rather than me happening all over that year. But, it's done. I will not beat myself up over it. I will move on, with some regret, but I will move on nonetheless.
So, 2015, thank you for giving me "us," but keep the rest of that shit out of 2016.
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